year one: thoughts

As my first year anniversary approached, 365 days clean and sober, I relived with feelings uggh the events and endless days and nights that led up to November 4th, 2006. I cried and cried and fought the urge to use. I called in the big guns, the ultimate weapon: another addict. Any one would do....I just went down the damn phone list. I made it through the night and through that day without using, but still, as I sat in my seat at the birthday meeting and picked up my hug and my chip, I felt as if I didn't deserve it because I had using thoughts. Wow...how powerful are thoughts?